What Paschimottanāsana taught me about ego

Life lessons from the yoga mat

When I first began going to yoga classes, Paschimottanāsana was one of the postures that I most wanted to do. I wanted the ease of movement in my legs and hips that I saw in other bodies.

My ego wanted it too. As much as the physical stretch, I wanted to look like the other girls who did it so effortlessly.

So I practised. A lot. I’d do Paschimottanāsana at home in the evenings watching TV. As I developed a self-practice, Paschimottanāsana was always included – at the beginning AND at the end.

It became easy.

Next, I worked on holding it. Now it wasn’t about the physical body, it was about the mind, because the distracted mind would want to come out of it before the body needed to. I’d set goals: ten breaths, a few weeks later 15, eventually 50 or more. Through Paschimottanāsana I entered a deep exploration of the breath and mind connectivity, and began experiencing aspects of yoga beyond the physical exercise.

However, my ego was also fuelled, because now I was one of ‘those’ girls.

Then I got a hamstring injury. I could no longer get my chest to my legs. Ooooh, not happy! My egoic mind thought I was going backwards, and it certainly did not want to be a person with an injury. I had to modify a ton of postures I’d found easy, like Paschimottanāsana, Trikonāsana and Parsvottanāsana. For months, I consistently pushed them a little further than I should have. Because I wanted to stay in the bendy gang (or rather, my ego did).

I knew on a mental level that as long as I kept pushing, the injury wasn’t getting better. But it took weeks for a switch to flip and to accept this at the heart level. I realised that the yoga was in letting go of the posture, allowing the injury to repair, and no longer being caught up in thinking stretchy legs had anything to do with my identity. What a relief!

Doesn’t that sound mad? Saying that the ego makes us think bendiness or a physical posture is connected to our identity? I hope it does sound bonkers because it might show you if you’re doing the same thing. We’ve all done it, whether we admit it or not. I could have prevented months of torture to my poor hamstring if I’d realised sooner. Don't wait for an injury to take the ego out of the posture!

You are not your postures.